Well, over the weekend I have no computer. Mom has been stable and really no change. She has had a few times where her blood pressure lowers but the nurses just give her more meds and helps level out her pressure.
That was the one thing mom had no problems with, was her blood pressure and now it's what they are having to watch for her. Go figure. I have cried, prayed, cried, prayed daily. I ask for guidance, strength, but most of all for her to have peace. To release her from suffering whether it be going home to me and my sisters or going home with Ama and Apa. I want her here more than anything but I'm not going to be selfish. I want her here for thousand of reasons, she has to see Jojo grow up just like she did her other grandchildren, she still has to meet her new grandson, Phoenix. She has so many friends that seek her for guidance and counseling even if they have never met but she helps them thru their tough times. But most of all I want her here just because. I want to be able to surprise her with Mariachis once again, I wanted to give her the $100 the wanted to feed the Wheel of Fortune at Choctaw Casino for her birthday. There is still so much more I want to do with her.
Once I told mom that she was my hero. The day I found out that she helped a Mr. Gonzalez in the nursing home when mom had her leg amputated. Mr. Gonzalez was paralyzed from the neck down and had not made progress for the year that he had been there. Mom befriend him and after only 3 or 4 months, Mr. Gonzalez was moving his arms, moving his legs and seemed happier than when mom met him. She inspires me when I'm sick to not let it get the best of me. To fight and laugh always and to always find the humor in everything that happens. After her amputation, I stated calling her Gimpy and she would just tell me "Vas a ver, cabrona" We were all her Cabronas. Because of her I have learned to never let anyone put me down, hold my head up always, stand for what I believe in. I need her here with me, with us.
Lord, please hear our prayers. Our prayers that ask for strength to understand what we don't, strength to have the patience we need in the waiting process of your will to be done.