Thursday, May 30, 2013


Well, my baby has finally graduated and I myself feel that I have graduated as well.  I have graduated from single mother to single adult :)

It has been a life that I would gladly repeat. Would I change anything? Well, maybe a thing here and there but nothing major...why? Because I'm me for the very reason of what I have been through and I wouldn't change a thing about me. I love who I am and what I stand for. 

I became a single mother to my son Gabriel when i was 3 mths pregnant with my son Michael. I left their dad because he hit me. No he didn't abuse me becuase I didnt' allow it to get that far. He hit me and that's all it took for me to make a decision for the better. The decision I made I truly believe was the best one because I had one son already and I didn't want him to grow up thinking it's ok to abuse and be abused. I did it for my children. I didn't love their dad any less but I couldn't have lived with someone like that.

Three years down the road I met my baby girl's dad. He never hit me but he was an alcholic, he abused himself. Though we never lived together it was something that I tried to help him with but he apparently didn't want to help himself. In one of his beyond sober days/nights he ended up with his ex-wife and got her pregnant. I didn't find out until the child was already a year old. When I did find out I made the decision to let him live with his "first" family. He didn't want to, he never did prior to that even after I wrote him a three page letter explaining why it would be best to make his "marriage" work. He made the decision to have me in his life and we both made the decision to bring another life into ours. We were blessed with our baby girl. It was a very bumpy ride but with faith I got thru it until the end of our relationship 4 years later.

It was 1990 when I became a full-time single mom to my wonderful son Gabriel, by January 1991 I was a single mother to two gorgeous boys when I gave birth to my handsome son Michael in mid-December 1990. By January 1995 I became a mother to one of the most precious little girl, Victoria. I was beyond happy with my three little ones. I finally had the real life and not make-believe.

I had heard several stories of single mothers saying how hard it was and could never make ends meet. Well, I'm here to tell you that it was not "hard", it was a struggle but not hard. Everything has to be a struggle in my opinion otherwise we would never learn how to function in life and reach goals.

I raised my three as best I knew how with the help of my mother (RIP) and my sister, Daniela. They were always helping out financially (loans :) ) and by babysitting my children and not for free either. I paid them just as I would have anyone else.  I paid for them to watch them while I worked, went out to eat with friends, went to the club, movies. Yep you read right going out.

I went out every weekend BUT not before paying my bills and making sure we had groceries. I felt after working two sometimes 3 jobs i deserved a little "me time" with friends. I love to dance and that was my out every week....dancing!

The one thing I feel I have been blessed with the most is the fact that my children have never given me any grief in my life.  You see I have friends who have children who sneek out of the house, break the law, steal, assault people, drugs, you name they have dealt with it. But my children until now have made me proud by way of keeping to school and becoming young responsible adults. My middle son was defiant at one point when he was about 15 but I think he soon learned the consequences of his actions and straightened up somewhat.

My two sons became fathers at very young ages but they have never waivered from being involved in their child's life. My daughter has witnessed her sister's (dad's first family) become young mothers as well. She has a different outlook on life from what I gather in our conversations regarding adulthood and on becoming a mother herself. 

I truly feel that I was a "responsible" single parent. Now I've graduated from single parent to single adult. Oh the tears have stopped but I still choke up when I see pics of my children when they were younger and still not a care in their world. Now I have to find something to occupy my free time with seeing as I no longer will be room mom, chaperone, volunteer, taxi.

So this is pretty much my life of the past 25 years in a nut shell. I'm hoping to achieve another 25 as an adult and maybe with someone at my side holding my hand along the way. I have Jesus on one side of me already holding my hand. :)

Saturday, May 25, 2013


My youngest graduates today and begins her journey as a young adult in our world. I am so very proud of her and all of her accomplishments thru out her life though not many but great in my book. Spelling Bee - school first place College Quest Essay - First Place Published Poet - 7th / 8th grade Band Member - French Horn - 6 years Honor Classes - Role Model Solo Ensemble - Rec'd 1's all four years I truly believe that she will go on to accomplish several more victories in her life because I believe in her. You have made me proud!! Love, Mom

Monday, May 20, 2013

The Swing

Today I am saying my final goodbye to my Tio Juan and Tia Ramona. You see my cousin Juanita Gonzales sold the house they grew up in and I use to live across the street, now I live next door and have been for the past 4-5 years. When I was growing up i would visit from time to time, would swing on the front yard swing. But it's during this past 4-5 years that I really made my memories there in their house for I had grown into an adult and could have adult conversations with my Tio y Tia and cousins. I visited many a times with wanting to talk and Juanita and Tia would always lend me an ear. It was something I had never had before "someone to talk to" someone who would never give me negative advice but helped me stay positive. This is something that I especially needed when mom passed away. My Tia and Juanita were there for me thru it all. However no one and nothing helped me more than the swing in their front yard. I became best friends with that swing, you see I would go out late at night and sit and swing til 1, 2 in morning. I would listen to the wind if it were blowing, but mostly talk to the moon and the stars. I would sit and remember my childhood years living right across the street, I could picture me and Alexa and the ABC Triplets playing our in the yard, riding our bikes. This swing let me cry as much as I wanted. Until now no one knew I sat out there so late, unless there was a neighbor creeping that I didn't know about. I would talk to God, pray, sing, I could be myself sitting on that swing and no one to judge or make funny remarks of my singing, no one to make me feel bad. There were several times when I would join my cousin and Tia on that swing just to pass the day in the beautiful weather. We had some tears, laughs and memories together as well on that swing. Today a friend of mine came and took that swing away. It's going to a new home. While they were loading it all my memories came back to me and I lost it. I cried so hard because I feel like another part is dying. I feel I have lost a friend. That swing was the last thing that kept me holding onto my Tia Ramona. I would sit there and talk to her, Tio Juan, Tia Pat, Tio Tino and Mom late at night. I can still do it from my own front porch on my rocker but the swing was big enough to invite someone to sit with me and at times I would feel a slight tug on the swing as if someone's spirit was there just to let me now they were there with me. I've missed my cousin, my God Mother ..... I've missed our talks, our laughs, our tears, watching shows together but I know I can visit her by simply calling her up. Guess I'll have to find another late night spot for my talks with mom and he rest of my aunts and uncles. R.I.P Tio Tino, Tia Pat, Tio Juan, Tia Ramona and momma.