Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Why am I single?

The question I get asked all the time by people, especially men I meet. Well, maybe it's because the man that deserves me hasn't come along yet, or the man I deserve. I don't know exactly to the pinpoint but i do know that some reason comes from me not wanting just any relationship. A relationship can't be made and much less overnight. It has to grow, you have to nurture it, water it from day to day with honesty, consideration, patience, love, respect and understanding & appreciation from and for each other. First, love yourself. You can't possibly love someone when you can't even love yourself. If you have no self-respect how can you respect someone. Respect the fact that they will love you and treat you as you should be treated. Second, consider yourself when you love someone. Consider the fact that is someone going to love you for what you have or can give them materialistically or are they going to love you for you and only you. Just the way you are. With all your defects and flaws. Then consider them, do they deserve your consideration? your consideration to think enough of them to be your partner in life and walk down the road with you side by side. Third, have patience. Be patient to the fact that one of you may want to move the relationship to the next level and the other isn't quite ready. You don't know the full history of prior relationships that may be the reason to hold back just as you may have a history that cause you to hold back or want to move to the next level. Some people learn from prior relationships and may be the reason why they want to take things a bit slower than others, to make sure they don't make the same mistake twice. And, just because you love someone doesn't mean you know them 100% or they know you. There will always be a dislike, conversation topic, music, movies, etc that you won't agree on 100%. If you decide to live together there will always be something that you do one way and they do another and it may irk you or vice versa. Be patient. Fourth, Understand. Understand that some people do the best they can. Understand your sense of humor my not be exactly alike, your taste in food, movies, music, clothes. Appreciate the fact that each person has their own likes and dislikes in cultures but that doesn't mean they don't appreciate that there are plenty to choose from should they want to try something new. Fifth, be honest and stay honest. First be honest with yourself and you partner. If you really don't love someone don't fool yourself into thinking you do just to lead them on to think you do. Loves grows from within your heart, mind, and soul. When you tend to have a serious conversation look into each other's eyes so that you can be honest to yourself and to them. you both deserve that much. Next, commit. Commit to yourself first so that you can commit to the relationship whole-heartedly. Don't jump in at first glance just because the water looks inviting, take your time and run your toes through the sand walking towards the water, tip toe in. But if you're going to dive in do so with your head first instead of your heart. Last but not least, make sure to let God hold your hand along this journey. He will get you thru. As Tyler Perry said in a play once, you pray and pray for a good man but are blind to the fact that you have to get thru all the bad relationships to prepare you for the good one he has chosen just for you. So I patiently wait and test waters from time to time just in case, I don't want to pass up any angels just to date the devil. :)

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