Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sunday - Mom

Today is the day we will remove all meds and machines from mom. We don't know how long she'll last but we know that if she doesn't hang on we made the right choice. Mom didn't want to be maintained on meds and machines. She made that clear almost every day that she lived with me and when we all get together.

i need my mom, I'm not sure if I can be strong like I want to be. I have my sisters to lean on and all my other family but still, it just seems like, like everything is coming to an end. I feel like without my mother, like what now? I know that life goes on and Mom never wanted us to be sad when her time came to pass but it's hard to be that strong. I can't help but cry. When mom moved out back in '07 when she had her first heart attack, I arrived home from work and out of routine I shouted mom i'm home, it's me and then I walked back to her room and i'm like oh i forgot she's at daniela's, but now I know that when i go to daniela's and I walk into her room to say hey momma, she won't be there and I can't say she's at mija's or somewhere else.

I'll have a huge void that I don't know what could possibly fill it. But my life will go on just like mom would want it, however not easy but when i scratch my lotto ticket, i'll have one for mom. When I go to the casino, mom will be with me, when i cry at night calling her, she'll be with me telling me don't worry.

I love you momma!!

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