Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Where am I going?

I am 37 and have a sense of what goals I want to accomplish but really no idea where I'm heading. My oldest son has left home and moved to Georgia. Don't get me wrong, he moved to be with the love of his life and they will be making me a grandmother by September 2008!

My middle son, well no matter how many times I tell him he will never believe me, at least not right now. But I love him so so much, I see myself in him when I was younger, wanting to make my money and get my own place and have no one to answer to. But I was never rebellious against my mother nor was I ever defiant against her. He wants to grow up so fast and if he only really knew what he's missing maybe he wouldn't be so quick to want to be a man just yet.

My daughter, well of course my middle son thinks that I have her a pedestal and that she can do no wrong. Ok maybe I do have her on one but it's only because of the experiences in my life that I do that so that no one and I mean no one can touch her. When Vica was borned i was scared, I wanted only boys for children but then when she came along oh how happy I was that I had my own little girl that I could bond with as my mother never really did with me. But I was scared that one day I may not be able to protect her and that I would somehow come to fail her or my boys. So yes I hold her up on a pedestal but she's acutally up there right along side my two boys as well.

So far I think I've done pretty well raising my children on my own. Now that my oldest has moved on and started his life, I have started thinking ok my first goal was my first born's graduation, goal accomplished. Second, well it didn't work out, he decided school was not for him. Third, well still working on it, she's in 7th as of this post.

But my oldest son's graduation is the first step in my life changing and I get to thinking what do I want to do with my life after my children have grown and moved to their own lives?

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